Total Cool Quotient

Let's just say for the sake of argument, that vanity plates are cool. And that by slapping one of these on a vehicle you're automatically raising its Cool Quotient (from now on referred as CQ). But what happens when your CQ is negative to begin with? Does slapping a vanity plate on a minivan make it cooler, or is the vanity plate more of a magnification of the inherent dorkiness of a minivan?

I guess it depends on what the equation for the CQ is. Here are 2 possible formulas:

1. TCQ (Total Cool Quotient) = CCQ (Car Cool Quotient) + VPQ (Vanity Plate Quotient).

2. TCQ = CCQ x VPQ.

So, if the first formula is correct and you start the calculation under the assumption a negative value is possible, a negative value for the CCQ could be canceled out with a positive VPQ.
If on the other hand, the second formula is correct, a negative CCQ value times a negative VPQ value would result in a positive TCQ.

Am I reading too much into this? Maybe. Maybe not.

Let's skip all the algebra. I know some of you have by now developed a massive headache not having been exposed to the magic of math since you left college or even high school.



CASE 1: CHLDCRE
Quite obviously, this case would benefit from the application of equation #2. The CCQ of this car times the VPQ would result in a positive value.
I guess whoever drives this van, is either involved in the childcare racket (i know it's an industry, but if you've ever had to pay for it you know what i mean) or can't separate their parental obligations from their professional desires.



CASE 2: THANK U
By now we've established a few things. One of those is economy of letters is important in the high-risk, high-expectations world of vanity plates. That this person got this license plate means one of two things to me: Either they are very, very kind in which case I can't say anything but "you're welcome", or they're evil sarcastic bastards who cut in traffic and use the plates to mock you.

I would have to know what the intent behind the licnese plate is before i can calculate their CQ. If they're nice, I would not hate them but their CQ woudl drop dramatically. If they're evil bastards, their CQ would improve but I would not let them cut in traffic.

In any cas, you're welcome, you son of a ...



CASE 3: HANNE K

Hanne has the right idea: if you absolutely have to use your name on a vanity plate, use your given name, not your last name, that way you can always hit and run or at least throw stalkers off. (Good luck with that!)

Hanne's given name is probably Hannelore, and she is proud of driving her Chrysler Minivan. Yet no matter how cool Hanne thinks her Chrysler is, she's still driving a freakin' minivan. I guess if I was driving around with a bunch of little brats, I would have to cave in and buy one of these things or a massive SUV with 7 seats and 5 MPG. If I do, please, put me out of my misery: Take me to the shed and shoot me between the eyes with a 44.